MONTH-ENDER. It’s literally few hours before May 2017 ends as I write this nth draft for my May entry on my personal blog (hopefully I can finish writing this time), see until this very last moment I’m still trying to come up with a finished product. I don’t know what’s with me, why was I not able to finish a composition during the entire month when I still have all the time and fresh idea to put into this. Anyway, thinking of whys won’t help at all, I’ll give myself a chance now and try to hopefully get through this.
So to start, let me share a question which stunned me earlier this month, it says: “HOW DOES YOUR WORRIES REFLECT YOUR ACT OF SELFISH NATURE RATHER THAN TRUST IN GOD?” I came up with this question one Friday night as I had a sisterly discussion (about faith, love, and life; more specifically about worries) over carbohydrates-rich dinner with some of my sisters from the Christian community (Ang Lingkod ng Panginoon-Cebu ) of single professionals that I am part of. It was one of the best discussions I had with them so far, I must say. Going back to the question above, I was stunned by it for the reason that I never, even once, looked at worrying as an act of a selfish nature. I didn’t agree to it at first that I fell silent upon reading that question from the material provided for our discussion. Ouch! My poor heart cries as my mind defends myself saying, “I only worry for the welfare of other people, I’m concerned about my family, friends, brothers and sisters in the community, office mates, and even strangers that I can’t help but be worried for them, especially if there’s nothing I can do to help them. Its unfair. Why would it be selfish if what I am doing is to care for other people?”
As we went on our conversation, and after ample time trying to find the sense out of the question, it dawned to me that indeed, worrying is an act of selfish nature. How is that so? In my case, the reason for my worrying is that I tend to own things I could not control. Say for example, the outcome of MY plans and/or MY dreams, HOW CAN I financially support MY family, and HOW CAN I extend help for the people around ME. I am certain that my reason is for what I THINK is good and right, but are they? Really? As much as I’d like to defend myself by saying I have all the right reasons, I won’t because my reasons can not excuse myself from worrying as a result of a selfish act. You see, in the first place, all I was thinking about was myself and the things I care about where in fact I should only be concerned of God and what He wants. It’s supposed to be His plans, His dreams for me, and His extended help for the people around me that I should think and care about. I should have let Him take charge of EVERYTHING. Poor me, all this time I believed I’m past this phase already, that I already learned and allowed Him to take charge of everything in my life. Guess, I was wrong, though I learned to stop worrying some basic stuff like clothing, accessories, bags, shoes, physical appearance, and even my job (those are quite a lot to give up worrying about 😜), I forgot to release my control on the bigger aspects of my life such the examples of worries I mentioned above, I am afraid to entrust Him the control of the great unknown, of the future, MY FUTURE. Unknowingly, I was still holding on to the button controlling a bigger part of me, and I am so blessed to have that conversation as an eye opener that I should LET GO OF ALL THE WORRIES I have in me.
I went home that Friday night with a happy heart and a lesson which I believe will be imprinted in my being for a long time. The bottom line of our hours-long conversation was that, LIFE IS ALL ABOUT GOD, AND GOD ALONE. So I should worry not, and let Him take control. What a great lesson learnt to start my month of May 2017.
Update: it’s already few hours past midnight, which means I wasn’t able to post this May entry on time. Let me share this to you anyway, this just a part of my memorable May. Hope I could share some more next time, and on time. 😛